Memories of the First
by reikat
Summary: On the way to Raven Rock after her battle in Apocrypha, Eriah makes a detour to the Temple of Miraak. There, she discovers a journal that reveals some interesting information about the First Dragonborn. Takes place between Final Clash of the First and the Last and A Dunmer's Secret Affection. One-shot


Eriah was approaching the Temple of Miraak on her way to Raven Rock after leaving the Skaal village. She felt a strange compulsion to go inside for one last look around and make sure things were put to rights. Combing through the rooms, the Last Dragonborn came upon a leatherbound book she must've missed the first time around with Frea. It was likely, given she hadn't been combing the Temple for items like this, making it easy to overlook. Curiosity got the better of her and she opened it. She read a few entries and was a bit shocked that it had belonged to Miraak himself.

 _19 Morning Star_  
 _I dreamed last night and within that dream, I was in a realm I recognized as Apocrypha from various texts. I do not know why I'm there. Before me, prostrate on the ground with tendrils of magicka wreathing her body, is a woman. She wears foreign armor and wields a warhammer_ _that appears to be of elven make. She glares up at me with loathing. I do not understand why she looks at me like that. The creatures with me bombard her with their magic and she's soon sent out of the Oblivion plane. I awake and tell my master. He thinks little of the dream and tells me to focus on my studies. Still, the woman weighs heavily on my mind. She was beautiful...and familiar. As if she were different from everyone else except me. One thing I could never tell my fellow acolytes and priests-in-training is the fact that I always felt different from everyone else. The woman, despite being only a dream, seems to have that same feeling as me. I can only wonder if there was something to that dream. I must tread carefully. I must not show any weakness if I am to join the Brotherhood of Dragon Priests and serve our masters. I will use this journal to record these dreams should they occur again and keep it hidden from prying eyes._

Eriah's skin felt clammy as she read the words. Had her enemy been given some foresight of the future? Here, written in his hand, was their very first encounter thousands of years before they met. The way the entry was written, he couldn't have been older than a teenager. Not quite a man but old enough to notice women. She felt both disgusted and flattered in equal measure that Miraak had found her beautiful. She felt especially odd that he apparently dreamed of her. That was if this was truly his journal and not some other attempt by Hermaeus Mora to keep mocking her. The oddest part was that it was dated the 19th of Morning Star, the day of her birth thousands of years later. Turning the page, she kept reading.

 _15 Rain's Hand  
The dream came to me again, only this time, I'm a disembodied spirit standing next to a dead dragon. I have no idea how or why it was struck down. The woman is there and we watch as the dragon's soul is somehow taken. It's known that when dragons are slain, their souls remain locked in their bones and only Lord Alduin has the power to bring them back to life. The soul swirls around the woman as if seeking to enter her but it instead flies to me. The look of hatred she throws me is clearly accusatory as if I had stolen something from her. I wake up feeling angry. Who is she to look at me that way? Who is she to dare openly stand against our lords and masters and who is she to dare kill one of them? Yet...I find myself distracted once more by the ferocious beauty to be held in her eyes. Gods...what is she doing to me?_

Eriah wondered if the dream she read about was one of the many times she had downed a dragon, only for Miraak to break through the walls between worlds to steal the soul from her. He had done it so much that this dream could've been any one of those encounters. She turned to the next entry and just from the first sentence, she could tell that Miraak was royally pissed off. It was startlingly humanizing. Even though she fully acknowledged him as her kin through Akatosh, it had been all too easy to see him as a monster for all he had done and planned to do. The journal was showing a side of him she had never thought about.

 _6 Mid Year_  
 _Ruth nii pah! This woman continues to dog my dreams, distracting me from my lessons and assignments. My masters and fellow acolytes grow suspicious of my behavior. What will it take to make her stop haunting me?_

It had been a short entry and the Dragonborn was feeling incredibly strange learning the things she was. She had a sneaking suspicion these dreams he had had of her were visions of their fated clashes in her time. Who had sent these visions was the mystery. None of the dreams she read about were nightmares so Vaermina was out as the culprit. They were also too subtle and out-of-character to be Hermaeus Mora's doing as well. The Daedric Prince of Knowledge and Fate was far more in-your-face about things. Mora was one of the few beings she could think of who knew she was the Dragonborn prophesized to end Alduin because he had planned for their fight ever since he pulled Miraak into Apocrypha. Probably even before then when Akatosh was molding her to shoulder the destiny that should've been the First's. It still didn't seem like him to send vague dreams about the future. That wasn't how he operated. Knowledge of the future was knowledge with a price but there was no indication this was the case here. That only left Akatosh as the potential sender of the visions. Had the god of Time been trying to warn Miraak that the path he was on would lead him to cross paths with her and his doom? Was Akatosh even capable of such things? Time was his dominion. He knew all that was, all that is, and all that could be. Maybe it was all a coincidence and no Aedra or Daedra was responsible. She turned the page, questions still swirling in her mind.

 _17 Last Seed  
It has been over a year since my last dream. I'm now a fully realized Dragon Priest. I was bestowed with a name by the dragons to replace the one my parents had given me. I am now Miraak. It means Allegiance Guide in their tongue._ _I was given dominion over a region in northern Keizaal along with Vahlok, Ahzidal, Dukaan, and Zahkriisos. Time will tell if the dreams return._

Once more, Eriah felt a chill up her back at the date. Thousands of years after his time, the 17th of Last Seed was when Eriah awoke to her destiny as the Dragonborn. "Was this your doing, Lord Akatosh? Were you subtly trying to set Miraak on the path you initially created him for?" she wondered. The parallels between them were already strong enough without the fact that two entries were dated for days of great importance to her. The date of her birth was when he first recorded a dream of her and now the date she awoke to her destiny was the same date he was made a Dragon Priest. She read on and each entry she devoured was revealing thoughts and feelings from her now-dead enemy that she never imagined him capable of feeling. She came upon one that made her face burn because nothing of the sort was ever implied during any of their encounters.

 _25 Sun's Dusk  
The woman has appeared in my dreams again and now I see her even when awake. As a Dragon Priest, I have my choice in women and I have bedded many. Still, her face is all I see whenever I need release. I find my mind wanders to her and I imagine her in place of the one I warm my bed with. I am convinced the reason I've dreamed about her for the better part of six years is because she is the only one worthy of me. I must find her somehow and I must make her mine. I've asked my followers to bring me news of any woman matching her description. It was easy to deflect questions of where I've gotten my knowledge of her and why I seek her out. The dreams are the concern of no one but myself as are the reasons behind my search. I must also discover why she seems to absorb dragon souls whenever I dream of such encounters. I'll get my answers soon. All I know for sure that a woman of such power and beauty should belong to no man but me._

 _It's strange...beauty never meant much to me before._

"Stendarr spare me. This can't be real. When we first met, he didn't seem to recognize me at all. He didn't seem to know I existed until I was pulled into Apocrypha for the first time and our souls touched. I wonder...did Hermaeus Mora take those memories from him as payment for saving him or did his long imprisonment in Apocrypha cause him to forget about them over time?" she wondered. It was the unanswerable question, only because Miraak was dead and she had no desire to draw further attention from Mora himself. He would gloat over any knowledge he had obtained from Miraak and more than likely derive pleasure from throwing it in her face. After all, he derived pleasure in his assumption that she had somehow developed feelings for the First of her kind. An assumption that made the fires of her rage burn all the more. Turning the page, the Dragonborn kept reading. It hadn't been long after Miraak wrote of his desire to find and claim her as his own that he discovered his Dragonborn heritage by complete accident. No one had been around to witness that first time so he was able to avoid suspicion when the bones were found by Zahkriisos. The following entry revealed how this discovery had figured into his plans for Eriah.

 _4 Evening Star_  
 _The discovery that I can devour the souls of the dragons has led me to the conclusion that the woman must be like me. It explains everything! The reason she felt so familiar to me and yet so different than other mortals. The reason she devoured dragon souls in my dreams. She has the same powers I possess! Now more than ever, I must find her. She must be brought over to my side and together, we can overthrow the dragons. Once they learn what we can do, they will live in fear of us. All of Tamriel will bow to our power. Knowing what I know now, my desire has grown tenfold. She will be the one to carry my seed. We will leave a legacy of Sossedov Jun, Dragonblood Rulers. Willing or no, she will submit to me. Rek fen kos dii._

Eriah felt her temper rise at the gall of this man. Whether or not he remembered writing any of this, he was lucky he was dead because she felt the inclination to kill him again. She felt incredibly fortunate that thousands of years on the outside separated them, in addition to the fact she was incapable of bearing children. He wrote as if he thought of her as an equal back then but it was plain he had meant to use her as a tool to consolidate his power. It wasn't that much different to how he ended up perceiving her when they first met. She was still meant to be a tool to him but the motivations were completely different. He had been after her soul in order to escape Apocrypha while the Miraak of this journal was after both her power and her body in a bid to overthrow the dragons and create a legacy of descendants with their Dragonborn abilities. Eriah wasn't entirely convinced that her powers could be hereditary and her family tree was quite clear that she had no blood ties to the Dragonborn Emperors of the Septim Dynasty. Not like it mattered in the end. That line ended with Martin.

 _24 Sun's Dawn_  
 _The races of men and mer have begun an open rebellion against Alduin. It seems my ability to devour dragon souls has spread across Tamriel as a mere rumor for the dragons themselves have not confronted me yet. Three Nords have come before me begging for my help in their fight. Hakon One-Eye, Felldir the Old, and Gormlaith Golden-Hilt. They sought to use me to cast down Alduin. I think not. I sent them away, refusing their pleas. The fact they came to me first troubles me. They did not mention if there was another. Time grows short before I openly rebel against Alduin, using my newfound powers to overthrow him. The woman must be found and soon. Once she is secured, her power and mine will bring Alduin to heel and we shall rule Tamriel together.  
_  
Eriah read on and came upon an entry written later on in the Dragon War. By this point, Miraak was in the midst of his own rebellion against the dragons. It seemed they were now aware of his Dragonborn abilities and had grown to fear him. Their attempts to stop him were ferocious if his journal was anything to go by. It made sense. At the time, the idea of a mortal able to absorb the souls of slain dragons was completely unheard of. The dragons had no idea what Miraak was, only that he was a Priest with some thrice-cursed ability to end them. They called him Traitor and cursed him. It also seemed Hakon, Felldir, and Gormlaith had tried several times to get Miraak to side with them to defeat Alduin. Each time, he sent them away. She noticed he had grown increasingly obsessive in trying to find her, fully convinced she was being hidden from him. It was then she came upon the entry where he had his first encounter with Hermaeus Mora and was once again presented with a very familiar date, one that coincided with the start of the Great War many years later.

 _30 Frostfall_  
 _I have successfully made contact with Herma-Mora, Daedric Lord of Knowledge and Fate. He has given me a Thu'um that will bend the wills of the earth, mortals, and even dragons to my will. In exchange, I have sworn my service to him as I seek greater power in my war with Alduin. Kruziikrel, Ralonikiv, and Sahrotaar were the ones I tested this Thu'um on and it works. They now serve me unerringly. I was warned that Alduin's will is too strong to be bent to mine but it matters little. He shall still fall to me. Perhaps when I have finally brought him to heel, Herma-Mora will tell me what I wish to know. I'm being driven mad at the lack of success my followers have had in locating that damn woman. One even dared to say to me that I've grown obsessed with her, implying she isn't real. I made an example of him. I will find out where she is and the ones keeping her from me will face my wrath. This, I swear._

The Dragonborn shook her head in pity. If he had only known that he had searched in vain for a woman who wouldn't be born for thousands of years after his time. If he only knew that his decisions and lust for power would later cause him to be imprisoned in Apocrypha, that Hermaeus Mora never intended to tell him anything about her, and that his obsession with trying to escape would supplant his obsession with her. The more she read, the more likely it was that this journal was indeed legitimate. It spoke of things only he could possibly know and it just wasn't like Hermaeus Mora to drop such information in her lap without exacting a price. He didn't discard information and secrets, jealously hoarding them as was his nature. She turned to the final entry, after which she could only surmise he had been taken into Apocrypha afterward. It was once again dated for the 19th of Morning Star.

 _19 Morning Star_  
 _Everything has gone wrong. I've been battling Vahlok for days, causing a cataclysm so powerful, a piece of Keizaal broke off from the mainland and created a virgin island. Neither of us gave an inch until I grew careless and was at last forced to retreat. That fool Paarthurnax has routed my forces and not once has Alduin dared face me in battle. I, however, take some pleasure in knowing that perhaps he has learned to fear me. I'm holed up in my temple, awaiting death.  
_  
 _I've come to learn that the dragons have created a name for a mortal such as myself and it applies to the woman I dreamed about. They call me Dovahkiin, Dragonborn. For I am able to slay them permanently and are able to use the Thu'um without effort through the knowledge their souls grant me. They say I am a dragon wrapped in the body of a mortal man, the ultimate dragon slayer. All those dreams of the woman using the same power set as me convince me she, too, is Dovahkiin. It is only now that I wish those dreams had revealed to me her name so I could take it with me into death._

 _My thoughts turn to her once more. In spite of all my efforts, she has eluded me and my anger at my failures knows no bounds. May Akatosh be cursed for withholding her from me. Woman, if you are real and you come across the records I've kept in this tome, remember my name and consider yourself fortunate that you managed to evade me to the very end. Even now, my desire for you_ _burns. You are strong, beautiful, and worthy of me. Those thoughts sustain me even as I go to death with dignity. Thank whatever gods you follow that we never crossed paths in this life for I can assure you, that I would've taken all you had to offer. I would've made sure that I was all you lived and breathed. Enjoy your freedom while you can because once others know what powers you possess, they will never stop hunting you as I had._

 _I hear the doors of my Temple being breached. It won't be long now before I find myself at the end of a pike. I will go down fighting and it will be a glorious end, one where everyone remembers my name. I once sought to gain immortality through descendants but with that road closed to me, I will seek immortality through the memories of the people. This new island, Solstheim, will be my legacy and they will remember forever how my battles with Vahlok shook the very earth._

 _So ends my rebellion and my life. The enemy comes._

Eriah sighed and closed the journal. It was hard learning all this but at the same time, she was grateful she hadn't discovered the book until after the whole mess was over and done with. Had she faced him after this, she would've handed him an easy victory. It wouldn't have been because of pity but because of her anger at his shamelessness and how he deluded himself into believing she would ever be his if they had lived at the same time. Setting the book aside, she pulled her satchel around and opened it, pulling out his mask. "You're a right bastard, aren't you? Where did you get off thinking that I would submit to you that way? You damn fool." she half-growled, half-sighed. Reading of his base desires made her feel dirty as if somehow she was responsible for him having the ideas he once had. Sighing, she leaned her forehead against the mask.

"Reading through your thoughts, a lesser woman would've assumed you were in love with me. But it wasn't love that drove you to find me. It wasn't even lust. It was your inherent nature as a dovah that fueled your desire to possess me as if I were an object. It was quite plain you wanted me for my power and my body back then. _Hi vahzah._ I was lucky to have never crossed paths with you before Apocrypha. By the time we found each other, you had completely forgotten those dreams and desires. You didn't...know me." she mused. Eriah had rarely felt as confused as she did at this moment. Her hatred for Miraak burned a little stronger but it was tempered by a strange sense of melancholy. Miraak had said several times in the journal that he had found her beautiful and worthy of him. Her worth in his opinion was easy to gauge. He saw her as an equal and he saw her as a vessel to carry on his line because they were both Dovahkiin. Beauty could be applied to just about anything and thus his meaning was vaguer. Beautiful how? At face value, his words seemed to imply the physical but what if he meant her strength or will?

She also had to consider another possibility. What if it wasn't her specifically that he had seen? She knew that Akatosh had molded her to shoulder the destiny he had once laid on Miraak's shoulders but only because she had lived it, only seen it from this side of Time. The Dragonborn Miraak had seen in his dreams could've been anyone from any race on Nirn aside from her. Miraak had never given specific details about who he saw, only that it was a woman and was very likely human or mer. She highly doubted he would've said such things of an Argonian or Khajiit. All she could do was assume that it was indeed her he had seen in his dreams so long ago. She would have to live with unanswered questions but she was okay with that. Against her better judgment, Eriah grudgingly added the journal to her satchel before putting the mask away as well. She left the Temple and found her feet planted, not on the road to Raven Rock, but to Tel Mithyrn. She still needed time to process everything that had occurred since she first came to Solstheim, on top of needing to process the new insights she had gotten about her now-dead enemy.

 _Akatosh thuri...spaan Zu'u._

* * *

 **Dovahzul:**

 **Ruth nii pah** : Damn it all!

 **Rek fen kos dii** : She will be mine.

 **Hi vahzah** : You (were) right.

 **Akatosh thuri...spaan Zu'u** : Lord Akatosh...protect me. 

Sossedov Jun is exactly what the journal entry said after it.


End file.
